Challenging Negative Self-Talk Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), negative self-talk is often explained as a result of distorted thinking patterns and underlying core beliefs about ourselves (“I am a bad person”), others (“Others will eventually leave me”), or the world around us (“The world is unsafe or scary”).

These core beliefs, typically formed through early experiences, can result in us interpreting everyday events in overly critical or self-limiting ways. When faced with challenges, these beliefs may activate automatic negative thoughts, which are often exaggerated or untrue. These thoughts may even occur unintentionally or involuntarily.

For example, cognitive distortions like catastrophizing ("If I fail, everything will be ruined") or personalization ("It's my fault if things go wrong") fuel negative self-talk. For a list of cognitive distortions, feel free to read over our previous blog post here. This internal dialogue is a way the mind attempts to make sense of situations, but it often reinforces unhelpful emotions and behaviors, maintaining a cycle of low self-esteem or anxiety. For example, if you engage in a difficult task with the thought ‘It’s my fault if things go wrong,’ you may approach the task with more anxiety or think less clearly. When you do this, it makes the task more difficult to complete, or in some cases makes the task actually go wrong, thus confirming in your mind that it was truly your fault.

CBT helps identify negative self-talk and challenge these thoughts to replace them with more balanced and constructive perspectives. Below is a helpful step-by-step process for how to identify and work through negative self-talk using CBT.

Identify Negative Self-Talk

• Increase Awareness: The first step to changing negative self-talk is identifying it. Start paying attention to your inner dialogue, especially during stressful or challenging situations. Notice what kind of thoughts might emerge. You may also find it helpful to engage in mindfulness or journaling practices as well to help capture these thoughts.
• Spot Patterns: Notice common themes, like perfectionism, fear of rejection, or fear of failure. When you notice these themes, you can better anticipate when the negative self-talk will emerge.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

• Identify Cognitive Distortions: It may be helpful to connect your negative self-talk with specific distortions, seeing how each belief may in actuality not be supported through logical reasoning. Again, here is the list for cognitive distortions.

• Examine Evidence: Treat the negative self-talk as a statement that requires evidence to believe. After all, our thoughts are not reality, and in fact many of our thoughts may be incorrect. When you notice self-talk, you can ask yourself, "What evidence supports this thought? What evidence contradicts it?"

• Test Reality: Consider alternative explanations for the situation. For example, instead of thinking, "I failed because I'm incompetent," explore, "Could other factors have influenced this outcome?"

• Use Socratic Questioning: Ask questions to help explore the reality of the thought, like:o "What would I say to a friend who thought this way?"

•  "Am I jumping to conclusions?"
•  "Is this thought helping or harming me?"
•  “On a scale from 1-100, how much do I believe this thought?” and then “Is that realistic?”

Reframe Thoughts

• Develop Balanced Statements: When you notice negative self-talk, try to replace these distorted thoughts with more realistic and compassionate ones. For example:
  • Negative thought: "I always mess up."
  • Balanced thought: "I sometimes make mistakes, but I also succeed in many things."
  • Negative thought: “Nobody cares about what I have to say”
  • Balanced thought: “Some people might dismiss what I have to say, but other people may actually care.”
• Focus on Growth: If you find yourself focusing on your negative self-talk after making a mistake or setback, try to shift the focus to what you can learn or improve rather than dwelling on failure.
• • Negative Thought: “I failed that test because I am a terrible student.
  • Growth-Focused Thought: “I am not happy with this grade, so I wonder what I can do to improve my score next time.”

Practice Behavioral Experiments

• Test Your Beliefs: If you have thoughts where there is a predicted outcome, for example "I'll fail if I try this," or “People will not like me if I do this,” try taking small steps to test that belief. Gradual exposure can disprove exaggerated fears.
• Act Despite the Thought: Although this one can be a bit tricky, you can try and remind yourself of your core goals and values, and recognize that thoughts are not facts. Instead, encourage yourself to act in alignment with your goals rather than your fears about an only possible future.

Reinforce Positive Patterns

• Celebrate Successes: Acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small, to build confidence.
• Remind yourself of past Success: Negative Self-Talk often prevents you from remembering past times you were successful in accomplishing your goals. Take time to reflect on past successes and accomplishments that may contradict the self-talk.

Build Emotional Resilience

•  Mindfulness: Mindfulness Practice involves being present and observing thoughts without judgment. It also encourages us to view all thoughts as temporary. Doing so may help reduce their emotional intensity and give us faith that the negative self-talk will not always be there.
• Self-Compassion: Sometimes, no matter what you do, your negative self-talk will emerge. Instead of viewing this as a failure, instead, treat yourself with kindness and understanding instead of harsh criticism.

With consistent practice, these techniques can help weaken the power of negative self-talk and promote healthier, more constructive thinking patterns.